Have you ever been in love and how long ago was that? Do you remember how it felt? Your heart raced and you couldn’t stop thinking about him or her. You wanted to spend every waking moment with that special someone.
Now here you are deep in midlife. Are you in a fulfilling relationship or still searching for that elusive someone? Maybe you’re happily single but open to whatever comes your way.
Love is universal. Whatever our race, religion, gender or culture we all experience it, perhaps even yearn for it. That hasn’t changed through the ages and yet some of us struggle to find romantic love, hold on to it and keep the fires burning.
Have you ever wondered why you feel the way you do about one person and not another? Are you puzzled about why you continue to make the same poor choices in your relationships? Do you wish you knew how to keep love alive? These are just some of the answers you’ll find in the books below.
Why We Love by Helen Fisher
What is love and how do you choose who to fall in love with? Can you choose who you fall in love with? Why do you sometimes love someone who doesn’t love you back?
In her book, ‘Why We Love’ author Helen Fisher explains that the behaviours exhibited by humans in love are fueled by chemicals produced in the brain. Our experience of love is a complex process that incorporates three core systems.
In the book you will learn about:
- Lust – the drive that encourages mating to ensure procreation and continuation of the species.
- Attraction – the passionate pursuit of someone, which ensures an overwhelming devotion to a single person as a means of conserving limited resources.
- Attachment – the drive to bond for life which evolved because of a need to stay together long enough to raise children together.
These three systems motivate us to mate and reproduce but they are each driven by a different evolutionary mating drive. Will our experience of love continue to evolve?
How To Not Die Alone by Logan Ury
Love is supposed to be effortless right? You don’t have to think about falling in love, you just do. Yet choosing the right partner is anything but a walk in the park.
In ‘How To Not Die Alone’, author Logan Ury talks about Intentional Love, a philosophy that looks at a love life not as a product of happenstance but as a result of a series of choices.
The book first teaches you about the forces driving your behaviour and the errors in judgement you make. Second, it shows you how to adjust your behaviour to achieve goals that move you in the direction you want to go.
As an irrational being you will make choices that aren’t in your best interests and these decisions inevitably impact your romantic relationships. While love is never a guarantee this book shows you how to approach it with more care and deliberation.
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman
You’re in a relationship but despite everything you do to show your love it isn’t being received as you intended. Instead of growing together you seem to be drifting further apart. Could the problem be that the two of you aren’t speaking the same emotional love language?
According to Gary Chapman there are five love languages and to show and receive love in meaningful ways you have to learn to speak in each other’s love language. Maybe he shows his love by doing acts of service while you receive love through physical touch. Real communication is possible but it starts with both parties being willing to learn what each other’s love language is.
So how do you keep love alive in your relationship? Maybe it’s as simple as figuring out what language to speak to each other and demonstrating how you both feel in the most effective ways.
Whether you’re looking for love or want to understand why you feel and behave the way you do. Maybe you want to take your relationship to the next level. These books will open your mind and hopefully clear a path to a love that lasts.