Are you a midlifer coming out of a long-term relationship or have you been single for a while? Are you finally ready to put yourself ‘out there’ again or have you given up on finding love at this stage in your life? Is finding lasting love really possible in midlife?
Relationship expert and coach Jim Rogers in his book, ‘Finding the love of your life in midlife’, answers those questions and more. He explains that it is not only possible to become a better version of yourself in midlife but it’s not too late to find the love you seek. Midlife is a time where many seek a deeper sense of meaning and purpose, the author notes, and finding the ideal partner really starts closer to home.
The book in a nutshell
It probably sounds cliché but finding the love of your life starts with learning to love yourself. It requires that you change your perspective of what love is, shedding the adolescent perspective of love as a set of feelings you need to find in someone else. Realise that love isn’t something you lack within and need to look for in someone else.
- The most important ‘love of your life in midlife’ is you. Without self-love you won’t be fully ready and able to love anyone else.
- Self-love starts with acceptance, the number one need of a human being. When you learn to accept yourself you become equipped to build and sustain a healthy, loving relationship.
- Love is not something that you ‘get from’ someone, but something that you ‘share with’ someone. Create your own supply and then share that supply with someone. Hopefully they will have their own supply of love to share with you too.
- You may have more than one ‘love of your life’. For each phase in life that we pass through, many of us have found someone who was, at the time, the love of our life. Rather than dismiss them as not having been that important we have to take ownership of our feelings for them at that time. We accept that this was the person with whom we’d placed all of the hopes of our heart back then.
- You have to become the match that you’re looking for. By taking the time to create a greater awareness of who you are and the kind of match that works best for the person you have become. Without knowing the qualities and characteristics that you’re looking for, you aren’t able to attract this person into your life.
- The most important realization that you can come to is that what you have to offer someone is a lot less about the material and a lot more about your character and heart.
- Pay attention to the manner in which someone views their past. Is it something they continue to experience in the present? For someone to participate in a healthy relationship, their story has to be just that a story that they share occasionally.
- If you’re interested in someone, let your your ‘head’ get to know them before you engage your ‘heart’. Once your heart becomes involved you become quite oblivious to any of the warning signs that might show them as someone you should be wary of.
- You need to know when to stop your search which means knowing what qualities and characteristics you want in someone else. Can you both meet each other’s needs?
With an unassuming front cover, ‘Finding the love of your life in midlife’ would be easy to overlook. Yet it’s a short but powerful, nugget-packed read that can get you in the right frame of mind and ready to open up to love again.
It starts with getting rid of those negative thought patterns and freeing your heart of any negative emotional energy especially from previous relationships. Create a greater sense of happiness and peace inside by learning to show yourself trust, respect, compassion, and unconditional acceptance. Do these things and you’ll be ready to attract the right someone into you life.
Is it too late for lasting love? Perhaps not.